Dating..

Does dating suck or do we??? I love being in love, but getting there always seems to be full of heartache and headache. Recently being back on the dating scene, has been a shocker, we will go into full detail about that in just a bit. When we start or restart dating the first time is always clutchy especially if you have been out of "it" for a while, I am speaking from experience. I believe I made every mistake in the book for my first date with someone I found to be pretty awesome actually....here's to hoping that I will get another chance to redeem my somewhat faulty behavior but if I don't well, here's to learning. Ladies make special note of the things "not to do". First, don't expect ANYTHING; we women tend to forget that first date means exactly that.....FIRST DATE, there are no commitments no promise of a second date, so try not to screw up your chances...if you want a second date that is. Second, don't let the other person know if you're really interested- you WILL look like a fool or at least you will leave feeling like one. Third, shut up!!! Don't talk so much, you will only get yourself into trouble. There will be very obvious reasons I say such things as you read on. I will also continue to blog this "relationship" so that you all may learn how not to be an idiot and I guess to if I can learn from my own mistakes.

Date #1(JL)
I didn't really want to go to a bar and meet anyone so I decided to go through a dating service, that way I might be able to narrow down the lists of things that I could avoid in someone. I viewed profiles, sent a couple of super generic emails, until I ran across this one. We will call the person JL so there is some sort of privacy. I was immediately drawn to this person because of the smile; it was a kind, bright smile. So I sent an email, and waited. I eventually without too much waiting got a response, as I did with other emails. The others were promptly deleted, and I began to read this one. I was pretty happy that the one I wanted to write back, did. As new emails to people you don't know are, this was just a "hi, how you" kinda thing, which was perfectly fine. The emails progressed with me asking a myriad of questions and JL answering but not asking much in return. I do talk incessantly when nervous, and mind you I don't get that nervous all the time but this time was very different, I couldn't seem to shut my mouth (back to "not to do's" #3). At some point in all this I suppose JL thought that I might not be a psychotic and we exchanged numbers. First came the texting and then the dreaded but exciting first phone call. I blundered and tripped over almost every word that came out of my mouth (still on #3). I knew I sounded like an idiot and no matter how I tried not to sound like an idiot it happened anyways. There was just something about this one that had me falling on my face everytime we talked, and I will continue to fall on my face through out the first date as you will soon see. I could not get my shit together no matter what I tried, I was a nervous wreck. The conversations got a bit longer each time and I began to settle down ever so slightly. Eventually we decided to meet; the first date fell through and was moved up. This conversation took place on Monday the date was set for Friday initially and then reset for the following day. When I realized it was the next day, I started to get a little freaked out. All of those emails, texts, phone calls and I was somewhat invested in JL already and JL knew this, because I couldn't abide by #3, this falls loosely under #2 as well.
So of course I say I'm nervous and JL says "don't be nervous, it's just me", well that was the problem...JL made me nervous, really nervous. Like I said before that hasn't happened to me like this before just with this one. The vague responses to my questions made me even more attracted to JL which in turn made me even more nervous. The date was great, JL was funny and smart, all the things you want in a first date. Probably all the things you want for all dates after the first one as well. I was clumsy with my words, super flirty and all the things that would turn almost anyone off. I laughed all night and couldn't take my eyes off JL(that's rule #2&3) I was definitely infatuated there is no way around that. I was being my sweet charming self and couldn't tell if that was getting me anywhere, JL was just as calm and collected as you could possibly be. I have never been around someone that I could not read, that is until now. We talked all the back to the house, took JL's dog out and then I left. There was a hug and a peck on the cheek and that was it, even though I was left wanting more. I get into the car to go home and texted some lame message like "you are very hard to read is that a yes or no", referring to the option of seeing me again or something like that. The response was "maybe", holy shit I got a maybe (there it is rule #1). Generally in the first few minutes of a date I can tell if there is gong to be a second date but I couldn't, I was clueless. The response to that was "I didn't know I had to make a decision about the right now" damn there is another one. But I was being unfair and I said so and JL said "how did those words taste?" Well they tasted like shit. I guess I expected to know if there was any connection, which I believe there was...I could still be wrong. I haven't ever dated anyone like that, it was scary and refreshing all at the same time, and it made me want to fight to figure it out and give up all at the same time. But I think I will stick this one out, I really am intrigued by JL. We talked on the phone until about 12am, and after I felt much better about my chances.
So there is is, we will have another date, when it is will be up to JL. JL's company was undeniably great. I was undeniably a dork.
SO I broke all those rules and I don't know if this, us will go anywhere but boy am I hoping so. I will be so much better the next date and maybe the calm will give me the answers I am looking for, if not then I am an idiot and should never date anyone again....EVER. If there is no future there I always have wishful thinking. Goodnight JL. I will keep posting, as we see each other.

I think this situation is best described in the words of Melissa Etheridge
"Please forgive me, if I don't know what to do,
It's and old old fire, a familiar desire,
But my skin is painfully new"